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The Problem of Anger
Anger is a feeling or emotion that ranges from mild irritation to intense fury and rage. Anger is a natural response to those situations where we feel threatened, we believe harm will come to us, or we believe that another person has unnecessarily wronged us. We may also become angry when we feel another person,
like a child or someone close to us, is being threatened or harmed. In addition, anger may result from frustration when our needs, desires, and goals are not being met. When we become angry, we may lose our patience and act impulsively, aggressively, or violently without thought of consequences or effect.
People often confuse anger with aggression. Aggression is behavior that is intended to cause harm to another person or damage property. This behavior can include verbal abuse, threats, or violent acts. Anger, on the other hand, is an emotion and does not necessarily lead to aggression. Therefore, a person can become angry without acting aggressively.
A term related to anger and aggression is hostility. Hostility refers to a complex set of attitudes and judgments that motivate aggressive behaviors. Whereas anger is an emotion and aggression is a behavior, hostility is an attitude that involves disliking others and evaluating them negatively. AKA = Hating on Someone.
In this group, we want you to learn helpful strategies and techniques to manage anger, express anger in alternative ways, change hostile attitudes, and prevent aggressive acts, such as verbal abuse and violence.
When Does Anger Become a Problem?
Anger becomes a problem when it is felt too intensely, is felt too frequently, or is expressed inappropriately.
Feeling anger too intensely or frequently places extreme physical strain on the body. During prolonged and frequent episodes of anger, certain divisions of the nervous system become highly activated. Consequently, blood pressure and heart rate increase and stay elevated for long periods. This stress on the body may
produce many different health problems, such as hypertension, heart disease, and diminished immune system efficiency. Thus, from a health standpoint, avoiding physical illness is a motivation for controlling anger.
Another compelling reason to control anger concerns the negative consequences that result from expressing anger inappropriately. In the extreme, anger may lead to violence or physical aggression, which can result in numerous negative consequences, such as being arrested or jailed, being physically injured, being retaliated against, losing loved ones, being terminated from a sports team, job, social service program, or feeling guilt, shame, or regret.
Even when anger does not lead to violence, the inappropriate expression of anger, such as verbal abuse or intimidating or threatening behavior, often results in negative consequences. For example, it is likely that others will develop fear, resentment, and lack of trust toward those who subject them to angry outbursts,
which may cause alienation from individuals, such as family members, friends, and coworkers.
Payoffs and Consequences
The inappropriate expression of anger initially has many apparent payoffs. One payoff is being able to manipulate and control others through aggressive and intimidating behavior; others may comply with someone’s demands because they fear verbal threats or violence. Another payoff is the release of tension that occurs when one loses his or her temper and acts aggressively. The individual may feel better after an angry outburst, but everyone else may feel worse. Words can hurt, leaving scars like as-word.
In the long term, however, these initial payoffs lead to negative consequences. For this reason they are called “apparent” payoffs because the long-term negative consequences far outweigh the short-term gains. For example, consider a father who persuades his children to comply with his demands by using an angry tone of voice and threatening gestures. These behaviors imply to the children that they will receive physical harm if they are not obedient. The immediate payoff for the father is that the children obey his commands. The long-term consequence, however, may be that the children learn to fear or dislike him and become emotionally detached from him. As they grow older, they may avoid contact with him or refuse to see him altogether.
Myths About Anger
Myth #1: Anger Is Inherited. One misconception or myth about anger is that the way we express anger is inherited and cannot be changed. Sometimes, we may hear someone say, “I inherited my anger from my father; that’s just the way I am.” This statement implies that the expression of anger is a fixed and unalterable set of
behaviors. Evidence from research studies, however, indicates that people are not born with set, specific ways of expressing anger. These studies show, rather, that because the expression of anger is learned behavior, more appropriate ways of expressing anger also can be learned.
It is well established that much of people’s behavior is learned by observing others, particularly influential people. These people include parents, family members, and friends. If children observe parents expressing anger through aggressive acts, such as verbal abuse and violence, it is very likely that they will learn to express anger in similar ways. Fortunately, this behavior can be changed by learning new and appropriate ways of anger expression. It is not necessary to continue to express anger by aggressive and violent means.
Myth #2: Anger Automatically Leads to Aggression. A related myth involves the misconception that the only effective way to express anger is through aggression. It is commonly thought that anger is something that builds and escalates to the point of an aggressive outburst. It has been said anger does not necessarily lead to aggression.
In fact, effective anger management involves controlling the escalation of anger by learning assertiveness skills changing negative and hostile “self-talk,” challenging irrational beliefs, and employing a variety of behavioral strategies. These skills, techniques, and strategies will be discussed in later sessions.
Myth #3: People Must Be Aggressive To Get What They Want. Many people confuse assertiveness with aggression. The goal of aggression is to dominate, intimidate, harm, or injure another person-to win at any cost. Conversely, the goal of assertiveness is to express feelings of anger.
One example of an immediate anger management strategy worth exploring at this point is the timeout.
The timeout can be used formally or informally. For now, we will only describe the informal use of a timeout This use involves leaving a situation if you feel your anger is escalating out of control. For example, you may be a passenger on a crowded bus and become angry because you perceive that people are deliberately bumping into you. In this situation, you can simply get off the bus and wait for a
less crowded bus.
The informal use of a timeout may also involve stopping yourself from engaging in a discussion or argument if you feel that you are becoming too angry. In these situations, it may be helpful to actually call a timeout or to give the timeout sign with your hands. This lets the other person know that you wish to immediately stop talking about the topic and are becoming frustrated, upset, or angry.
In this group, you should call a timeout if you feel that your anger is escalating out of control. You also are encouraged to leave the room for a short period of time if you feel that you need to do so. However, please come back for the remainder of the group session after you have calmed down.
1 . What reason(s) are you interested in learning more about anger management?
2. What makes you angry (Triggers your anger)?
One technique that is helpful in increasing the awareness of anger is learning to monitor it A simple way to monitor anger is to use the “anger meter.” 1 on the anger meter represents a complete lack of anger or a total state of calm, cool and collectiveness, whereas a 10 represents a very angry, explosive loss of control that leads to negative thoughts, emotions, feelings, actions and ultimately
Points between 1 and 10 represent feelings of anger between these extremes. The purpose of the anger meter is to monitor the escalation of anger as it moves up the scale. For example, when a person encounters an anger-provoking event, he or she does not reach a 10 immediately, although it may sometimes feel that way. In reality, the individual’s anger starts at a low number and rapidly moves up the scale. There is always time, provided one has learned effective coping skills, to stop anger from
escalating to a 10.
One difficulty people have when learning to use the anger meter is misunderstanding the meaning of a 10. A 10 is reserved for instances when an individual suffers (or could suffer) negative consequences. An example is when an individual assaults another person and is arrested by the police.
A second point to make about the anger meter is that people may interpret the numbers on the scale differently. These differences are acceptable. What may be a 5 for one person may be a 7 for someone else. It is much more important to personalize the anger meter and become comfortable and familiar with your readings of the numbers on the scale. For the group, however, a 10 is reserved for instances when someone loses control and suffers (or could suffer) negative consequences.
The Anger Meter
- Loss of Control
- Self Talk
- You Lose In the End!
- You Have a Choice!
- Use Your Anger Control Plan to avoid reaching 10 !
- Take a Break, Count to 10
- Self Talk (Positive)
- It’s not what your called -It’s what you answer to.
- Lectures 11
- Quizzes 1
- Duration 16 hours
- Skill level All levels
- Language English
- Students 123
- Certificate Yes
- Assessments Yes